Archive of ‘BEAUTY’ category
I came across this post entitled “Are you beautiful? I asked 100 men what ‘physical beauty’ is and the results shocked me” earlier this week and found myself drawn to the title and perhaps this photo of Marilyn Monroe looking incredibly…normal.
I was a bit incredulous as I began to read, but quickly saw that the author, a truly AMAZING young woman named Rozanne, had hit on a nerve with many, many women.
“I’ve travelled around the world and met women from every continent, and every woman I have met– no matter how attractive she is – is battling the same battle and asking the same question: “Am I beautiful?”
I’ve met girls from India who bleach their skin to be lighter. Their mothers tell them: “You will never find a man to marry you if you are too dark.”
I’ve met girls from South Korea who have their eyes made bigger, their jawlines shaved, and bridges put in their noses. The competition to be ‘the most beautiful’ in Korea is so fierce that plastic surgery is a common Sweet 16th gift from parents to their daughters.
I’ve met girls in bathrooms throwing up their food in an attempt to lose weight.
I’ve met women who have had breast implants, butt implants, lypo suction, face lifts, botox, tummy-tucks, knee implants, plastic surgery on their legs, spray tans, and more…
Now, I’m not judging. In fact, these options are very tempting (I even went for a spray tan once… DISASTER) and I understand why we go to these extremes. But because I wanted to get to the bottom of why we feel the need to do this to ourselves, I’ve asked every one of them (and myself):
Them: “Because it (that part of their body) needed to be fixed.”
Me: “Why did it need to be fixed?”
Them: “Because it wasn’t beautiful.”
Me: “Why do you need to feel beautiful?”
Them: “Because I want to feel confident and secure in myself.”
Me: “Why do you need to feel confident and secure?”
Them: “To be happy.”
Me: “How will that make you happy?”
Them: “Because people will like/love me.”
Me: “Which people?”
***(simplified conversation sample)
To be loved.
Loved by a significant other.
So THAT is what our need to be beautiful comes down to: To to be ‘good enough’ for love.
Intrigued, I set out to find out FROM MEN what they consider to be PHYSICALLY beautiful. I asked them informally during conversations, I conducted surveys, and I asked on social media.
I asked single men, married men, young men, old men, straight men, gay men, and men from various religious and cultural backgrounds – from all over the world.
THE RESULTS SHOCKED ME. “
They shocked me as well… I think you should head on over to her blog and finish reading her post (and all her other posts because she’s got some good stuff on there).
Spoiler alert: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! No one else gets to define your beauty. You do. What’s more, you’re worthy of love because YOU ARE and not because you look a certain way.
“Beauty is: loving yourself.
It looks like: taking care of yourself.
It has an attitude of: Confidence in your own uniqueness rather than vanity/arrogance.”
So today, I hope that you recognize that you, just as you are, are enough. You are beautiful. You are more than enough. Not just more than enough for someone to fall in love with you but more than enough to tackle the wonderful, amazing, adventurous life that is out in front of you. You’ve got what it takes!
Thank you Rozanne for taking time to highlight an issue that clearly means so much to so many of us. You are truly beautiful inside and out!
One of my favorite things about my life is the fact that I get to live it with amazing people. I am blessed with incredible friends who each uniquely define what it means to have style! StyleLove is my way of highlighting their signature style and showcasing that beauty and style come in a million different flavors and forms.
She’s flirty, fun & free
(& kind & loving & beautiful & about a million other things)
LAH – How would you describe your style?
Janelle – I’ve spent a bizarre amount of time thinking about this question. I’ve got it boiled down to “romantic industrial retro gypsy.” Essentially that means that I have an equal weakness for flowy, feminine pieces which allow me to feel like a girl, and also a tougher, minimalist, aesthetic featuring an unhealthy amount of studs, zippers, and buckles. Throw in a bunch of clunky jewelry picked up from street stalls around the world and enough vintage day dresses to make a 1950s housewife proud, and you’ve got my style.
LAH – What/Who do you think has been the greatest influence on your style?
Janelle – Without question my biggest style influence is my mother. She modeled how to dress with ease and confidence, how to navigate Good Will bins and street markets and always walked away with steals, and taught me that you should always look for a deal, but be willing to splurge on yourself every once in awhile. She has an unflappable, unique style that’s all hers, and she taught me how to find mine for myself. She even managed to survive the 80s looking classy. If that isn’t impressive, I don’t know what is. The other two big influences on my style were definitely the years I spent in New York going to art school, and the years since then I’ve spent traveling as a grungy backpacker. I showed up in Brooklyn as a wide-eyed 18 year old way before the word ‘hipster’ was a thing, and got to a front row seat to a constant parade of people trying out their own style in often bizarre and usually inspiring ways. I got a lot braver, and also a lot more clear about what did and didn’t work for me, and for my body type. Then I left New York, and had to unlearn a lot of things. 🙂 When I started spending most of my year living out a backpack, I discovered just how many clothes I owned, and what I actually needed to still feel like I was dressing like myself, no matter where I was. I also discovered an enduring love for giant jewelry pieces I could pick up along the way. I love how much little things you bring home carry the memory of the place you found them.
When I was a kid and feeling overwhelmed with how stupid whatever I’d just said must have sounded or how awkward I was around the boy I liked, my mother used to tell me, over and over again, “Janelle, nobody thinks about you as much as you do.” It used to drive me absolutely batty, but now there’s nothing more comforting. I recite it to myself whenever I can feel myself acting insecure and embarrassed in a situation. It’s shockingly liberating to realize that you might spend an hour picking out an outfit for dinner, but the odds are that the people you’re with won’t actually remember what you wore next week. That offers a LOT of freedom to give yourself some grace. Nobody is watching as closely as you think they are.
As a very high F on the Myers-Briggs scale, I am more often than not a walking time bomb of emotions. Giving myself permission to feel what I’m feeling in that moment and acknowledge an emotion as valid instead of trying to stuff it down and just be stronger is probably the single most useful thing I’ve learned to date.
2) Get the help you need.
3) Take the steps you know to take.
My brain is usually going at warp speed thinking of new ideas, business ventures, zany art pieces which may never see the light of day… I used to find myself being constantly overwhelmed by all of the huge things I wanted to accomplish, and how little actually I seemed to be getting done. My very wise father helped me see that the way to break down a huge dream is to look for the next baby step which could move you tangibly forward. All you’re responsible for is to take the next step you can take. That’s it.
Isn’t she just amazing? She exudes joy and wonder. Her very existence challenges you to dream beyond what you’d previously thought. She’s a constant invitation to fun and freedom. I’ve been blessed time and again by her hugs, her heart and her wisdom. Her beauty is enthralling and I’m so grateful I get to call her my friend. My world is so much larger and more fun with her in it!
p.s. All photos are taken with my iPhone 5.
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